the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
