he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
