i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
