i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
