Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
