she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
