I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
