Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
