Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
