You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
