After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
