i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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