I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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