even my farts smell like vagina
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
