Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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