put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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