He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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