70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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