I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
