So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My bed smells like the plague
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
