Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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