Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
