What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
