You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
