She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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