Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
