I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
