dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
