the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
