For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
