some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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