I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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