My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
