was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
