i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
