party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The air was thick with penises
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
