Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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