I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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