He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
