having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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