Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
