JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So vagazzling was a success
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