we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
