I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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