so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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