In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
