He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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