Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
