Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
birth control should be required to get into college
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
