singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My bed smells like the plague
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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