she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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