I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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