too bad you live with your parents still
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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