Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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