the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
