i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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