Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
