The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
