just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
