She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
