Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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