It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
