pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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